Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Another Day of Me

10-21-14

Day 11 of the blogger life.

I'm just going to rant about Vickie again. She is annoying the heck out of me. She's spoiled, a hypocrite, and just plain ass clingy.

She always makes fun of me for doing my own thing. For example, I say, "Y'all" or "flipping" while I speak or she would make fun of me as how I use hand gestures when I talk or when I laugh. But then she does the same exact thing, and when I confronted her about it, she blamed me. What the heck.

And she's always complaining how her life sucks. Couple days ago, she was ranting on how her mom wouldn't let her wear this necklace to school. My mom wouldn't let me wear any skirts, dresses, or make up to school. (Not that I mind) But she is so spoiled and gets pissed at the stupidest things. Vickie always talks to us about how her family is so poor and everything, but she spends money on the stupidest things. Like $5 salads. Ugh. And she cant even show any respect to any of us. (Me, Ashley, and my other friend, Phillip)

The other day, Phillip finally confronted her to stop talking to him because she is being a total bitch and that he doesn't want to be friends anymore. And she was all like, "I don't care." Wow. She just lost a friend because of her bitchiness and she doesn't care. She's going to lose more soon.

Vickie is acting as if nothing ever happened and that everything was cool between us. But it's not, she's trying to be the, 'good friend'. I don't know what to do with her now. Ugh.

I'm sick of her complaining, whining, and clinginess. Her life is ten times better compared to mine. But I don't tell any of them because my family life is suppose to be PRIVATE and I don't want to worry anybody.

Not a day has passed without my dad saying something mean to me. Today he called me fat. I don't know why. All I did was sit down next to him, that's all. My dad and I haven't had a normal conversation for the last 3 days. He probably doesn't care at all.

I understand that I have it good compared to some other families. But these are my problems and I guess I'm not strong enough to handle them. I know that my dad does not care me. I know.

Heck, Ashley's dad acts more of a father to me and my sister. He picks us up, makes dinner, and last night he played volleyball with my sister. My dad would never do that. Lately my dad would have 'overtime' and not pick us up from Ashley's place till around 7-8.

I just want a dad who cares. I don't want Sophia (my sister) to grow up like how I was. My mom has told me that this is the way he is and that I should just suck it up. But I can't. I can't suck it up, he has hurt me so much with his word.

People say, "Actions speak louder than words," but I don't understand in my case. His words had hurt me more than ever than his actions. I tried to talk to him about how his words had hurt me, but all he did was that he told me I was selfish and I didn't appreciate what I had. And maybe I was selfish. I really don't want to be, but I am. This is why I don't want to tell anybody this, it shows them I'm selfish.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just want my dad to care for us. He does, in a way, like working. But I guess it isn't enough, I'm selfish. I try to be the perfect daughter everyday. I always wash the dishes, I clean the house, I help my sister do her homework, I do my homework, I just help out when ever I can. I mean, this is the least I can do to help repay my parents. My mother had carried me for nine months in her stomach, fed me, nourished me, and I cant thank her enough.

I'm planning to fufil her hopes for me, which is to attend a college and become a pharmacist. This is not exactly what I want for my life, but I will do anything for her. Make her happy.

I can't handle to type anymore right now.

Ev out

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