Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Another Day of Me

10-21-14

Day 11 of the blogger life.

I'm just going to rant about Vickie again. She is annoying the heck out of me. She's spoiled, a hypocrite, and just plain ass clingy.

She always makes fun of me for doing my own thing. For example, I say, "Y'all" or "flipping" while I speak or she would make fun of me as how I use hand gestures when I talk or when I laugh. But then she does the same exact thing, and when I confronted her about it, she blamed me. What the heck.

And she's always complaining how her life sucks. Couple days ago, she was ranting on how her mom wouldn't let her wear this necklace to school. My mom wouldn't let me wear any skirts, dresses, or make up to school. (Not that I mind) But she is so spoiled and gets pissed at the stupidest things. Vickie always talks to us about how her family is so poor and everything, but she spends money on the stupidest things. Like $5 salads. Ugh. And she cant even show any respect to any of us. (Me, Ashley, and my other friend, Phillip)

The other day, Phillip finally confronted her to stop talking to him because she is being a total bitch and that he doesn't want to be friends anymore. And she was all like, "I don't care." Wow. She just lost a friend because of her bitchiness and she doesn't care. She's going to lose more soon.

Vickie is acting as if nothing ever happened and that everything was cool between us. But it's not, she's trying to be the, 'good friend'. I don't know what to do with her now. Ugh.

I'm sick of her complaining, whining, and clinginess. Her life is ten times better compared to mine. But I don't tell any of them because my family life is suppose to be PRIVATE and I don't want to worry anybody.

Not a day has passed without my dad saying something mean to me. Today he called me fat. I don't know why. All I did was sit down next to him, that's all. My dad and I haven't had a normal conversation for the last 3 days. He probably doesn't care at all.

I understand that I have it good compared to some other families. But these are my problems and I guess I'm not strong enough to handle them. I know that my dad does not care me. I know.

Heck, Ashley's dad acts more of a father to me and my sister. He picks us up, makes dinner, and last night he played volleyball with my sister. My dad would never do that. Lately my dad would have 'overtime' and not pick us up from Ashley's place till around 7-8.

I just want a dad who cares. I don't want Sophia (my sister) to grow up like how I was. My mom has told me that this is the way he is and that I should just suck it up. But I can't. I can't suck it up, he has hurt me so much with his word.

People say, "Actions speak louder than words," but I don't understand in my case. His words had hurt me more than ever than his actions. I tried to talk to him about how his words had hurt me, but all he did was that he told me I was selfish and I didn't appreciate what I had. And maybe I was selfish. I really don't want to be, but I am. This is why I don't want to tell anybody this, it shows them I'm selfish.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just want my dad to care for us. He does, in a way, like working. But I guess it isn't enough, I'm selfish. I try to be the perfect daughter everyday. I always wash the dishes, I clean the house, I help my sister do her homework, I do my homework, I just help out when ever I can. I mean, this is the least I can do to help repay my parents. My mother had carried me for nine months in her stomach, fed me, nourished me, and I cant thank her enough.

I'm planning to fufil her hopes for me, which is to attend a college and become a pharmacist. This is not exactly what I want for my life, but I will do anything for her. Make her happy.

I can't handle to type anymore right now.

Ev out

Monday, October 13, 2014

Surprise bitch

10-13-14

Day 10 of the blogger life.

So a few days ago, my friend had found this private blog when I specifically told her not too. I told her I'm taking down this blog because of her...BUT I'M NOT. I just changed the URL, name, title, and design.

She lost my trust completely. And I don't think I'm going to be friends with her anymore. Lets call her V.

V had completely invaded my privacy. She was pissed at me too, and she had no right at all. I had said she had shitty music taste in my previous blog. But that was what I thought and felt during that time. She read all my posts, meaning that she had found out that I made myself puke over the summer. I am not proud of what I've done and I did not tell anyone, she had discovered one of my biggest secrets.

And she was being a total hypocrite. The day she had discovered my blog, she created one herself and put used a fake name for herself. Meaning that she did not want me to find her blog. Just like what I said, I don't want her to be snoopin around in my blog. Today, she spoke with me using phrases from my previous blog posts, and I was completely embarrassed.

She is not my friend anymore. And that sound so childish, but it's true. V created a 'fashion' blog and has been talking about it ALL of lunch and our period together. She's acting as if nothing happened at all.

Im just so done with her.

Anyways, update on highschool.

So far it's fine, my grades are all As except English which is a B. There's some cute guys, but I have no idea who they are, they seem like they're juniors or seniors...I'm just a freshman.

Homecoming is coming up, the theme is 'There's No Place Like Home-coming', Its suppose to be like a Wizard of Oz theme I guess. I'm skipping it since there's no other freshmen going and I don't have a date too. No one would asked me anyways.

I'm currently listening to the song Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root and it's giving me these really happy vibes, Iv'e been needing it lately. If you watched Matilda or Ice Age, you would recognize the song.

I also need to start on my health home work, ugh. There's this junior with really nice eyebrows named Dylan. I want his eyebrows. And I've decided I will be Lumpy Space Princess (LPS) from the tv show, Adventure Time. I need a purple tutu..

My most least favorite holiday is Christmas since it's coming up. I know that's crazy, "WHAT?!WHY??YOU GET GIFTS!" Well, I dont really care about receiving gifts, Im just worried about my family. My friends buyy me these really nice gifts every year and I try to do the same. But I'm broke and I usually have my mom pay for the gifts. This year was a bad year for my family, we've been behind on bills and such.

Of course, I want best for my family and friends, but this is part of the year where I dread most. My friends had been planning this Thanksgiving feast for us lately, I wish could participate, but I can't. We we're planning to just pig out together and make our own meals and everything, but I can't. Partially because of the whole V drama, and mainly that I couldn't even afford my own groceries. I cant afford even afford my own food. Wow. I don't want to bother my parents since they've been under so much pressure lately..

That's all I want to write right now.

Ev out

Thursday, October 9, 2014

My Thoughts, Opinions, Emotions, and Privacy

10-09-14

Day 9, last day of the blogger life.

This is a blog that I started for myself. Something private and personal for myself. My emotions, my personal experiences, and opinions are written down here myself.

A few hours ago, a friend messaged me and gave me a rant of her own. Why? Because she found this blog when I clearly remember telling her not too. She read a part about herself where I said she had shitty taste in music. Keep in mind, on a blog of MY thoughts and feelings. I had posted that about a week ago.

I just write whatever to get shit out of my head. This is where I just post whatever I wanted. My feelings and opinions on things. This blog is basically my diary. Some things I wrote here,
I told NOBODY. Not my friends. Not my parents. No one.

It is 4 am in the morning right now. She messaged me around ten. I couldn't sleep because of the thought in the back of my mind was messing with me. I told you not to find this blog. This is my fucking blog. When I tell you not to look for it, just don't. You need to respect my fucking privacy.

The things I post here help relieve my stress. This is a place just to express my inner thoughts and not bother anyone about it. I am so hurt to find one of my best friends who decided to find my blog when I fucking told her not too.

My page views increased by 50 in the past few hours, so I know someone has been checking on the account.

After a few weeks into blogging, I enjoyed it. It's nice and relaxing to just have my thoughts being written out. But I'm afraid I must take down this blog now since my privacy has now been invaded by my friend.

Honestly, I don't know what is going to happen. She may tell people things about my blog. She might not. I don't know anymore.

I love this blog. It's my journal. My diary. An area to just write anything. After this whole thing, I feel I'm not going to blog anymore. After she found this blog, how can I trust the ones I love now? I can't exactly trust my friends. And obviously I cannot tell any of my family members things in this blog.

This is the part where I write what I feel now.

I feel embarrassed. I feel angry. I feel ashamed. I feel sad obviously.

I feel embarrassed that a friend found my hopes and unrealistic expectations that I want in the future.

I feel angry that she did not respect my own privacy. Friends are suppose to respect each other's privacy. Even Ashley knows that.

I feel ashamed because she found out about a few of my experiences that nobody should know.

I feel sad that I can't trust her right now.

I can't sleep knowing someone that I know personally is out there who discovered the private blog. I am so tired. I'm so fucking tired. I just want to sleep but I can't.

I dont know what you tried to accomplish V by finding this blog. My thoughts and opinions of your music taste was never spoken to anyone that I know or you know. During that time I was just annoyed and wrote whatever I thought down.

So happy now. You know what has happened to me. You know how I feel. You read my diary.

I don't think I'm gonna eat pizza anymore

Ev out

Monday, October 6, 2014

Bucket List?

10-06-14

Day 8 of the blogger life

What type of teenage girl's blog is it if there isnt a bucket list?

I don't tell people what I have on my bucket list because they often make fun of me...yeah it's kinda embarrassing. Many of the things I want to do are often so cliche or unoriginal. But I guess I'm just a typical teenage girl right?

1. Have my belly button pierced (this is kinda weird, hahaha)

2. Get a tattoo, although I'm too pussy to get one

3. Have the boy of my dreams ask me to go to prom with him.

4. Go to New York, watch broad way shows and shop at boutiques there.

5. Go to a fancy, special art gathering one day. at night

6. Perform onstage. Sing and play my guitar.

7. Go to a college.

8. Travel to London.

9. Go cherry/apple/grape picking

10. Learn how to DJ

11. Go to Disneyland by myself

12. Meet One Direction

13. Write a book

14. Learn how to play the violin

Can't think of anymore right now

Ev out

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Concerts

10-01-14

Day 7 of the blogger life.

Happy first day of October to everyone who is not reading this

So two weeks ago I went to my first concert, it was a One Direction concert. It was truly amazing. People of course don't understand the feeling. They think, "Wow, just another fan going to a concert, whatever." It's true, I am a fan that is going to a concert. But after loving them so much for 3 1/2 years, tweeting, stalking, knowing all their lyrics to their songs, it's just so emotional. I was pretty far from them, but watching them walk on to the stage singing live right in my very own eyes, I lost it. I was basically crying throughout the whole concert. No kidding, there was this woman who was recording me.

So after that, my love for them grew so much more. I was suffering from really bad PCD for like a week. So now I'm basically saving money for their next concert in LA.

My friends and I are planning to ditch homecoming this year and we were planning on what to do. So I had a great idea of going to a concert. But nobody THAT great was playing the night of homecoming, except for Charlie xcx the night before.

But the idea of concerts led me to just wanting to go to many concerts. Like Bastille is coming to LA soon and I want to go so badly. Their tickets are like 50 bucks so nada. I spent hours just looking through tickets for concerts and I stumbled across some of my favourite artists ever.

Smallpools is not very 'known' so their tickets are $30, that is crazy. That is so cheap too, because it's basically you buy the tickets then it's first come first serve. So that means you can get front row seat for 30 bucks. Unless you come really late, then you get a far spot.

Also, I found LP. She is a female artist. and for the concert when she's coming to LA, it is only 15 bucks. IT'S ALSO FIRST COME FIRST SERVE. Isn't that so great!? None of my friends know about her, but I want to drag them along and have them listen to her voice. I suggest that y'all should listen to Night Like This by the way. So I went online and it say the tickets were sold out...ugh. I'm just planning to find someone and buy a ticket off of them so I can go by myself.

I wish I was rich. Heck, I would go to every concert.

Ev out