Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Eh

12-02-14

Day 14 of the blogger life

Nothing much happened.

It started raining today. I hate the rain.

It's wet, sticky, cold, and a hassle. The only time I like it is when I'm in front of a fireplace with some hot cocoa, but no. I'm at flippin school.

12-16-14

Day 15 of the blogger life

It is currently 9:37 pm.

I hate Christmas.

The reason why? Money. The time of the year of stress. Arguments. Fighting. Drama.

It kinda sucks because my family is poor, Many of my friends gave me great gifts, but my sister and I give back 'bad' gifts. It's because we're broke. You don't know who to give gifts to, and if you do, the person's friend would think 'why didn't she give me a gift?'

Money is such a big issue in this family.

My parents just had the biggest fight due to money issues, I absolutely hate it.

I understand that all parents have arguments, but I do not want the arguments to be shown around my little sister. When I was fifth grade, every time my parents had a fight the night before school, I would always excuse myself to the restroom during class.

It affected my focus and education greatly.

As much as I hate to say it, money is based on everything.

Ev out

Sunday, November 16, 2014

family

11-17-14

Day 13 of the blogger life

It's a Sunday night, 8:41 pm, and Sam Smith is playing. I am currently waiting for my grandma, aunt, and uncle to come back from the airport. They're returning from Texas.

My aunt and grandma went to Texas over the summer for a vacation, just for three weeks. But my grandma had an asthma attack, so they stayed there for a few months. As I said, they're coming home tonight.

As much as I really hate to say this, my grandma is going to die soon. And I wish she could stay here forever.

I was speaking with my cousin the other day about our family and ancestors. As we were discussing, I realized how much we don't know about our ancestors, even my grandma.

I never met my grandfathers, they died before I was even old enough to speak. I don't even know my grandmother's favorite colors. And that is horrible. I just wish that I can see my grandmothers more and get to speak to them about them and our ancestors. I want to know about my great grandmother. I want to know my family tree. I want to know where we came from.

I have about 40 cousins, and they probably don't know anything about our ancestors.

I'm planning to change that before it's too late.

Ev out

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Just An Update in Life

11-05-14

Day 12 of the blogger life

Not much has happened in the past 2 weeks...I was Lumpy Space Princess for Halloween, it's a character from a tv show.

Vickie is still being...a bitch. I'm just, done.

I just bought black and white paint, I'm planning to buy three canvases and try to paint again. I haven't been drawing a lot lately, well, for myself I mean.

Last week during French club, we we're talking about colleges. And I said my dream school is UCLA. Everybody "laughed"? I don't know. They said I wouldn't make it and I should stick with something practical, like PCC. The teacher said it was okay to dream, but to find something more practical. UCLA isn't my dream, it's my goal...so is University of Austin.

But I'm going to try my very best, and I WILL make it into UCLA. I will.

If I don't get in, I don't know what I'll do with my life.

I love art, and I would love to study it and be part of the art industry. It's too risky. You can't have a stable job in the art industry these days unless you have some sort of connection. I'm going to be in the medical field, for my parents. I vowed to myself that I will take care of the family in the future. But this is so hard and so much pressure. I don't know what to fucking do.

Ev out

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Another Day of Me

10-21-14

Day 11 of the blogger life.

I'm just going to rant about Vickie again. She is annoying the heck out of me. She's spoiled, a hypocrite, and just plain ass clingy.

She always makes fun of me for doing my own thing. For example, I say, "Y'all" or "flipping" while I speak or she would make fun of me as how I use hand gestures when I talk or when I laugh. But then she does the same exact thing, and when I confronted her about it, she blamed me. What the heck.

And she's always complaining how her life sucks. Couple days ago, she was ranting on how her mom wouldn't let her wear this necklace to school. My mom wouldn't let me wear any skirts, dresses, or make up to school. (Not that I mind) But she is so spoiled and gets pissed at the stupidest things. Vickie always talks to us about how her family is so poor and everything, but she spends money on the stupidest things. Like $5 salads. Ugh. And she cant even show any respect to any of us. (Me, Ashley, and my other friend, Phillip)

The other day, Phillip finally confronted her to stop talking to him because she is being a total bitch and that he doesn't want to be friends anymore. And she was all like, "I don't care." Wow. She just lost a friend because of her bitchiness and she doesn't care. She's going to lose more soon.

Vickie is acting as if nothing ever happened and that everything was cool between us. But it's not, she's trying to be the, 'good friend'. I don't know what to do with her now. Ugh.

I'm sick of her complaining, whining, and clinginess. Her life is ten times better compared to mine. But I don't tell any of them because my family life is suppose to be PRIVATE and I don't want to worry anybody.

Not a day has passed without my dad saying something mean to me. Today he called me fat. I don't know why. All I did was sit down next to him, that's all. My dad and I haven't had a normal conversation for the last 3 days. He probably doesn't care at all.

I understand that I have it good compared to some other families. But these are my problems and I guess I'm not strong enough to handle them. I know that my dad does not care me. I know.

Heck, Ashley's dad acts more of a father to me and my sister. He picks us up, makes dinner, and last night he played volleyball with my sister. My dad would never do that. Lately my dad would have 'overtime' and not pick us up from Ashley's place till around 7-8.

I just want a dad who cares. I don't want Sophia (my sister) to grow up like how I was. My mom has told me that this is the way he is and that I should just suck it up. But I can't. I can't suck it up, he has hurt me so much with his word.

People say, "Actions speak louder than words," but I don't understand in my case. His words had hurt me more than ever than his actions. I tried to talk to him about how his words had hurt me, but all he did was that he told me I was selfish and I didn't appreciate what I had. And maybe I was selfish. I really don't want to be, but I am. This is why I don't want to tell anybody this, it shows them I'm selfish.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just want my dad to care for us. He does, in a way, like working. But I guess it isn't enough, I'm selfish. I try to be the perfect daughter everyday. I always wash the dishes, I clean the house, I help my sister do her homework, I do my homework, I just help out when ever I can. I mean, this is the least I can do to help repay my parents. My mother had carried me for nine months in her stomach, fed me, nourished me, and I cant thank her enough.

I'm planning to fufil her hopes for me, which is to attend a college and become a pharmacist. This is not exactly what I want for my life, but I will do anything for her. Make her happy.

I can't handle to type anymore right now.

Ev out

Monday, October 13, 2014

Surprise bitch

10-13-14

Day 10 of the blogger life.

So a few days ago, my friend had found this private blog when I specifically told her not too. I told her I'm taking down this blog because of her...BUT I'M NOT. I just changed the URL, name, title, and design.

She lost my trust completely. And I don't think I'm going to be friends with her anymore. Lets call her V.

V had completely invaded my privacy. She was pissed at me too, and she had no right at all. I had said she had shitty music taste in my previous blog. But that was what I thought and felt during that time. She read all my posts, meaning that she had found out that I made myself puke over the summer. I am not proud of what I've done and I did not tell anyone, she had discovered one of my biggest secrets.

And she was being a total hypocrite. The day she had discovered my blog, she created one herself and put used a fake name for herself. Meaning that she did not want me to find her blog. Just like what I said, I don't want her to be snoopin around in my blog. Today, she spoke with me using phrases from my previous blog posts, and I was completely embarrassed.

She is not my friend anymore. And that sound so childish, but it's true. V created a 'fashion' blog and has been talking about it ALL of lunch and our period together. She's acting as if nothing happened at all.

Im just so done with her.

Anyways, update on highschool.

So far it's fine, my grades are all As except English which is a B. There's some cute guys, but I have no idea who they are, they seem like they're juniors or seniors...I'm just a freshman.

Homecoming is coming up, the theme is 'There's No Place Like Home-coming', Its suppose to be like a Wizard of Oz theme I guess. I'm skipping it since there's no other freshmen going and I don't have a date too. No one would asked me anyways.

I'm currently listening to the song Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root and it's giving me these really happy vibes, Iv'e been needing it lately. If you watched Matilda or Ice Age, you would recognize the song.

I also need to start on my health home work, ugh. There's this junior with really nice eyebrows named Dylan. I want his eyebrows. And I've decided I will be Lumpy Space Princess (LPS) from the tv show, Adventure Time. I need a purple tutu..

My most least favorite holiday is Christmas since it's coming up. I know that's crazy, "WHAT?!WHY??YOU GET GIFTS!" Well, I dont really care about receiving gifts, Im just worried about my family. My friends buyy me these really nice gifts every year and I try to do the same. But I'm broke and I usually have my mom pay for the gifts. This year was a bad year for my family, we've been behind on bills and such.

Of course, I want best for my family and friends, but this is part of the year where I dread most. My friends had been planning this Thanksgiving feast for us lately, I wish could participate, but I can't. We we're planning to just pig out together and make our own meals and everything, but I can't. Partially because of the whole V drama, and mainly that I couldn't even afford my own groceries. I cant afford even afford my own food. Wow. I don't want to bother my parents since they've been under so much pressure lately..

That's all I want to write right now.

Ev out

Thursday, October 9, 2014

My Thoughts, Opinions, Emotions, and Privacy

10-09-14

Day 9, last day of the blogger life.

This is a blog that I started for myself. Something private and personal for myself. My emotions, my personal experiences, and opinions are written down here myself.

A few hours ago, a friend messaged me and gave me a rant of her own. Why? Because she found this blog when I clearly remember telling her not too. She read a part about herself where I said she had shitty taste in music. Keep in mind, on a blog of MY thoughts and feelings. I had posted that about a week ago.

I just write whatever to get shit out of my head. This is where I just post whatever I wanted. My feelings and opinions on things. This blog is basically my diary. Some things I wrote here,
I told NOBODY. Not my friends. Not my parents. No one.

It is 4 am in the morning right now. She messaged me around ten. I couldn't sleep because of the thought in the back of my mind was messing with me. I told you not to find this blog. This is my fucking blog. When I tell you not to look for it, just don't. You need to respect my fucking privacy.

The things I post here help relieve my stress. This is a place just to express my inner thoughts and not bother anyone about it. I am so hurt to find one of my best friends who decided to find my blog when I fucking told her not too.

My page views increased by 50 in the past few hours, so I know someone has been checking on the account.

After a few weeks into blogging, I enjoyed it. It's nice and relaxing to just have my thoughts being written out. But I'm afraid I must take down this blog now since my privacy has now been invaded by my friend.

Honestly, I don't know what is going to happen. She may tell people things about my blog. She might not. I don't know anymore.

I love this blog. It's my journal. My diary. An area to just write anything. After this whole thing, I feel I'm not going to blog anymore. After she found this blog, how can I trust the ones I love now? I can't exactly trust my friends. And obviously I cannot tell any of my family members things in this blog.

This is the part where I write what I feel now.

I feel embarrassed. I feel angry. I feel ashamed. I feel sad obviously.

I feel embarrassed that a friend found my hopes and unrealistic expectations that I want in the future.

I feel angry that she did not respect my own privacy. Friends are suppose to respect each other's privacy. Even Ashley knows that.

I feel ashamed because she found out about a few of my experiences that nobody should know.

I feel sad that I can't trust her right now.

I can't sleep knowing someone that I know personally is out there who discovered the private blog. I am so tired. I'm so fucking tired. I just want to sleep but I can't.

I dont know what you tried to accomplish V by finding this blog. My thoughts and opinions of your music taste was never spoken to anyone that I know or you know. During that time I was just annoyed and wrote whatever I thought down.

So happy now. You know what has happened to me. You know how I feel. You read my diary.

I don't think I'm gonna eat pizza anymore

Ev out

Monday, October 6, 2014

Bucket List?

10-06-14

Day 8 of the blogger life

What type of teenage girl's blog is it if there isnt a bucket list?

I don't tell people what I have on my bucket list because they often make fun of me...yeah it's kinda embarrassing. Many of the things I want to do are often so cliche or unoriginal. But I guess I'm just a typical teenage girl right?

1. Have my belly button pierced (this is kinda weird, hahaha)

2. Get a tattoo, although I'm too pussy to get one

3. Have the boy of my dreams ask me to go to prom with him.

4. Go to New York, watch broad way shows and shop at boutiques there.

5. Go to a fancy, special art gathering one day. at night

6. Perform onstage. Sing and play my guitar.

7. Go to a college.

8. Travel to London.

9. Go cherry/apple/grape picking

10. Learn how to DJ

11. Go to Disneyland by myself

12. Meet One Direction

13. Write a book

14. Learn how to play the violin

Can't think of anymore right now

Ev out

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Concerts

10-01-14

Day 7 of the blogger life.

Happy first day of October to everyone who is not reading this

So two weeks ago I went to my first concert, it was a One Direction concert. It was truly amazing. People of course don't understand the feeling. They think, "Wow, just another fan going to a concert, whatever." It's true, I am a fan that is going to a concert. But after loving them so much for 3 1/2 years, tweeting, stalking, knowing all their lyrics to their songs, it's just so emotional. I was pretty far from them, but watching them walk on to the stage singing live right in my very own eyes, I lost it. I was basically crying throughout the whole concert. No kidding, there was this woman who was recording me.

So after that, my love for them grew so much more. I was suffering from really bad PCD for like a week. So now I'm basically saving money for their next concert in LA.

My friends and I are planning to ditch homecoming this year and we were planning on what to do. So I had a great idea of going to a concert. But nobody THAT great was playing the night of homecoming, except for Charlie xcx the night before.

But the idea of concerts led me to just wanting to go to many concerts. Like Bastille is coming to LA soon and I want to go so badly. Their tickets are like 50 bucks so nada. I spent hours just looking through tickets for concerts and I stumbled across some of my favourite artists ever.

Smallpools is not very 'known' so their tickets are $30, that is crazy. That is so cheap too, because it's basically you buy the tickets then it's first come first serve. So that means you can get front row seat for 30 bucks. Unless you come really late, then you get a far spot.

Also, I found LP. She is a female artist. and for the concert when she's coming to LA, it is only 15 bucks. IT'S ALSO FIRST COME FIRST SERVE. Isn't that so great!? None of my friends know about her, but I want to drag them along and have them listen to her voice. I suggest that y'all should listen to Night Like This by the way. So I went online and it say the tickets were sold out...ugh. I'm just planning to find someone and buy a ticket off of them so I can go by myself.

I wish I was rich. Heck, I would go to every concert.

Ev out

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Music and shiz

9-27-14

Day 6 of the blogger life.

I listen to a large variety of music.

Techno, indie, jazz, etc..

It often depends what I feel like listening to and what I'm doing. For example, when I'm working out, I like to listen to rap lol. Or when I'm just relaxing and doing home work I would put jazz music faintly in the background.

Lately, I've been listening to techno a lot. Like EDM, chill, etc. A lot of my friends say I have shitty taste in music. They only listen to pop and the crappy songs on the radio that they play 24/7. People think I only listen to One Direction. But I don't. I do love One direction though.

I have a friend named Vickie. She thinks she has great taste in music. She doesn't. All she listens to is Taylor Swift or the Temper Trap. Honestly, the Temper Trap is great, but to me it seems she's only using that band as an excuse to show people that she has 'nice' taste in music.

My other friend Ashley has pretty good taste actually, but her range is very different from mine. She like country, oldies, and I got her hooked on some techno.

So here's the songs to my most recent playlist that I'm listening too right now.

Crave You - Flight Facilities (Adventure Club Dubstep Remix)

Up We Go - Lights

Slow Magic - Girls

Hermitude - Ukiyo

Live While We're Young - One Direction (Stripper Remix)

Riptide - Vance Joy (FlicFlac Remix)

Home- Gabrielle Aplin (Moritz Guhling Remix)

Love Club - Lorde (L D R U Remix)

White Tiger - Hippie Sabotage

Tennis Court - Lorde (Flume Remix)

Takeover - Village

Wild Child - WEKEED

Your Soul - Hippie Sabatoge

All these songs are basically chill techno. Here are some more songs I recently like.

Everything - Michael Buble

Beyond the Sea - Bobby Caldwell

Fireproof - One Direction

Dreaming - Smallpools

What You Know - Two Door Cinema Club

Believe - Christina Perri (Her latest album is beyond amazing btw!)

1901 - Phoenix

Girlfriend - Phoenix

Fire - Ingrid Michaelson

Your New Beloved - Lovelife

Night Like This - LP

Bridges - Broods

Manhattan - Sara Bareilles

Kiss with a Fist - Florence + the Machine

Take a Walk - Passion Pit

There's a lot more, but here's a couple. I dont even know why I did this. Nobody is ever going to read this. I'm so lame. Whatever.

Ev out

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Ugh


9-23-14

Day 5 of the blog life

Honestly I'm just going to rant here. 

My mom thinks I'm flippin anorexic. I'm not by the way.

Yes, I admit, lately I haven't eating as much as I was before. I just haven't been hungry? That's really weird but it's true. And I'm also doing cross country so she obviously thinks I'm trying to be skinnier.

Lately shes been yelling at my dad every time he would call me fat or something...

Here's a secret. Over the summer, my dad sometimes really got to me sometimes. Calling me fat, ugly, and he would just be really mean. And at some point I cracked and made myself puke. I was home alone.
After I did it, I was so disappointed in myself. I didn't eat THAT much, but in a week I managed to get over it and just continued life normally.

Yeah...I'm not anorexic.

Ev out

Monday, September 22, 2014

I wanna be famous haha

9-21-14

Day 4 of the blogger life

Ever since I started high school, the one thing always rushing in my mind, "What is going to happen in the future?"

Of course, about dating, grades, college, life. But I guess right now I don't need to worry about boys. All I need is good grades..? I want to take a gap year after I graduate. That wouldn't happen though because my parents would never allow that to happen. So second option is to go straight to a university after.

I want to go to a good school. Maybe UCLA, UC Berkeley, or University of Austin. UCLA will probably be ruled out since that's what everybody seems to want, and I'm not the smartest cookie out there. I also do not want to go to community college.

Maybe I'll study radiology? It's doctorish stuff right? I mean, everybody has to look whats inside of them, so you cant really lose your job? Maybe I also wanna be a doctor/nurse that gives ultrasounds to women. 

Getting good grades, applying for a college, figuring out what you wanna do in life is way to hard.
I want to be famous.

Heck, famous people have the best lives. Since everything in the world is based on money now, being a celebrity has it easy.
Ugh, I have no talent. Yet, the Kardashians don't either. 

How will I become famous? Definitely not leaking a porn video. 

My friends and I wanted to create a Youtube channel, hahaha. We created multiple ones because one after another keeps failing. They're names are Ashley and Vickie. If you use the first initial of our names and put it together, its make Ave. So we created 3rd Ave. Get it? Clever.

We didn't even post anything yet.

Whatever, thinking about this future stuff is giving me a headache.

Ev out

Saturday, September 20, 2014

cross country yo

9-20-14

Day 3 of the blogger life.

I have a meet tomorrow for cross country. Yes, cross country. 'Cross country is so lame!1!!!11 Easiest sport ever!1!' NADA.

It's the hardest and easiest. People often don't give cross country people much credit, its flipping hard. Many people joined the team just because they didn't want to take PE. I simply joined because I like to run.

Last practice we had to run 70 minutes straight nonstop. Go tell a football player to do that. Other people cant do what we do, and we cant do what they do. Simple. That's what I hate, people trashing this sport even though they cant run like us. So many people today would rather admire a football player or something than a person who is in cross country.

I love football actually, many people don't know that because I don't 'seem' like it. Ugh.

I think we're going to run for about 3 miles tomorrow?

Eh, whatever.

Ev out

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Wtf drugs

9-17-14

Day 2 of the blog life.

I'm just here to have a new hobby. Improve my writing skills. And rant basically.

Today I'm just gonna rant about high school life and drugs? In my first period this morning, I have art. The vice principal and a cop with a dog came in. They come at least once a month, unexpected. Of course to do the check if there's any drugs that students have inside their bags.

Everyone moved to one side of the room and I just stood in the corner and waited. I saw this boy twitching his leg, moving around, and just had a worried look on his face. The dog barked and there was weed. It was in the boy's bag. He was sent to the office of course, although I don't know what happened to him.

So the event brought me to this topic.

Why are high schoolers even doing drugs? Especially freshmen. I assume they want to be 'cool' and it's fun being high. Do they even know what they are doing to themselves? Not only illegal, it brings harm to the body and stuff. 'Weed doesn't kill you, cigs do!' says every weed smoker in the school. Stupid. It's a DRUG.

I see girls do vape in the locker room. I see guys sprinkling weed on brownies during lunch. It's so disgusting, smells so bad. Where so they even get these stuff? Jesus christ. Honestly, I feel at some point in my life that I will smoke once due to peer pressure. I don't want that to happen.

Whatever.

Ev out


Freshman; Highschool

9-16-14

I'm a freshman and I started high school two weeks ago? This is so weird entering two different worlds at the same time. High school and the blog life.

Honestly I searched up straight from Google, 'How to be a blogger'. Of course all the professionals said to never create it on a free host. I guess it's risky, but I don't have any money and I probably won't 'update' a lot. But maybe this will become a new hobby, since I'm just some weird chick who doesn't know what to do with her life right now.

I've seen fashion blogs, ranting blogs, funny blogs, and a bunch of other stuff. I just want to do something personal I guess without having anybody know who I am too.

Anyways, back to high school. Its totally bizarre. Everybody, everything is so different. Different looks, different attitude, different life. Sluttier clothes, more 'popular' people, more work. Yet, I'm excited.

What average freshman wouldn't think, 'High school. Hm, new experience, fun'? Not going to lie, I think that too. Four years of changing, learning, and trying new things. So far, all I see are groups. Everybody seperated into their own little society.

Jocks, nerds, and etc.. typical.

I even saw this guy bring weed to school and sprinkled some of it on a brownie to make an 'edible.' Smells flipping disgusting.

High School is already killing me. 11:50 pm and I still have a bunch of work I have to do, yet I'm here trying to create this crappy blog. What the heck am I going to do.

No matter how much I say I hate school though, I love it. Education is one of the best things to receive and I feel so blessed to be one of the people to have it.

Must work on homework now...goodnight to the imaginary person reading this.